you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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