Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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