i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She bit a glass in half.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
