They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
