It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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