i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
