I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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