I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Randomize
