if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
