your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
