3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize