Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
