I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
