I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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