It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
