Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
