he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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