How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
FUCK WHALES
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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