I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You're like the curious george of whores
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
