can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
