I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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