you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
