3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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