yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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