her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
