I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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