6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
