I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
