white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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