Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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