i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
