Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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