Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
