I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
