just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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