The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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