Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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