Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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