Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
