My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
