your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize