Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
