Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
