I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
