It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
