'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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