i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
