we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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