Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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