My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
