I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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