I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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