I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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