I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
