and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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