Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
