one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
