you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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