dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
