Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
