you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i dont even know how to be here
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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