Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
