I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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