i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
