When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
