He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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