Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
