rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
