I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
