i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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