and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
