wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
