Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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