I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
