watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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