the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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