i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
