How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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