We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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