You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
